There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
