When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
