This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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