Tell her she can't have a vagina
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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