you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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