Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
we have officially lost it.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
