i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
