I'm eating all of the evidence.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
