I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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