Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
