It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize