Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
