Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
