i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
