His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
