There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
