White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
