I'm laying in your front yard are you home
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The struggles of a small town man whore
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
