I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize