Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
