I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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