I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
