I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
