I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
