I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize