come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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