that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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