so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
