Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
