so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
