I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
