So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
my liver is dry heaving
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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