There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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