if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
