I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
