All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Your cock deserves a montage
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
