Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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