i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
