kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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