After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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