i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
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