The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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