We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize