You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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