I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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