New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Randomize
