seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
