i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
