Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
