There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
