im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
