brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
