I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
