you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
