Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
