oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
