these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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