One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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