this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
