drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He passed out mid-signature
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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