Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
