took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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