Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I have tasted many bathrooms
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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