I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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