I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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