Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm experimenting with sincerity
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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