Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
