Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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