My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
