I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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