Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
