haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
