That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize