By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
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