'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
