youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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