Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
