Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
