I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize